Dear Anyone out there with aging parents,
Since one year ago-ish, I have reached the milestone in life where child becomes caretaker. I am sadly welcoming myself to the, 'party.' The word, 'party,' is used loosely and definitely not in a festive manner. Rather, beyond sarcastic, in fact, in having reached this phase in life's timeline. The task has commenced in full swing increasing monthly. What I mean is, each week; or, month, my parents age in some small physical manner. While their bodies are deteriorating their mental faculties are still in full swing giving them that opportunity to think they can make rational decisions. Meaning, aside from physical decline, stubbornness, has taken over. Their behavior is worse than a 5-year old having a tantrum about taking a nap. What I would give right now to take a nap! To point out a few examples, my father puts his clients 100% ahead of any medical care to the point that it affects his own life. Literally. He was diagnosed with kidney failure plus a laundry list of stressful issues that happen day to day. At this point, the choice is to do the dialysis, or not. It's that simple. :( Currently, he still works 6-7 days per week serving his clients 100%. My mother also works several days per week. It gives them purpose and something to do.
Dad, who still drives, is buying a convertible sports car. We've tried to tell him this is absurd, but he insists on an 'end of life,' car. He compares it to the, 'mid-life crisis,' car, but simply re-phrased it to the, 'end of life,' car. We really can't argue with that now, can we. Let's not skip my mother. Nearly two years ago, she thought it would be fabulous to adopt a rescue dog. The dog, who was just about 1-1/2 years old [although no one really knows for certain the age], is a combination of 10+ Terrier and Bulldog breeds. Don't get me wrong, the dog is loving and gentle, but is strong as an ox. We worry each time the furball is walked. This adds to our stress levels and increases my blood pressure to the point that I am now having to take watch my health! And, guess who will inherit the dog in the long run! And, just to be clear, we suggested/begged for a small dog or cat!
We are two siblings in one state with a third on the sidelines in another, all constantly communicating for support and venting posts. Thank goodness for the cheerleading squad, the in-laws, as well. Without them all, my brain would be more than the current scrambled status.
The process is quite the learning experience. The revolving doors at various doctors' offices have become our 'norm.' It seems as though there is a new doctor every week to visit and discuss new ailment/s, as well as, the previously diagnosed. I'm now getting schooled and well versed with diseases and medical terminology than I care to know about in my lifetime. Vascular, Nephrology, cancerous symptoms vs non-cancerous symptoms, depression, T.I.A's.... The most confusing was the aneurysm that appeared on screen to no aneurysm several years later. The latter being the most insane as far as making your head and heart spiral. My mother was diagnosed with a 4mm brain aneurysm nearly 5 years ago. Each year she had to get an MRI checking for any growth. At the last visit, a few months ago, the MRI showed NO aneurysm. Not a speck of one. Luckily for her (us) we could stop worrying that it would burst in her head at any given moment. It's rare, but happens; or, was that a miss-diagnosis? I'm still in disbelief. The recent and 3rd neurosurgical opinion finally convinced us there was no sign of an aneurysm. He happily stated to her she has a, "great brain," for 80+ years old. Smiles all around. Score: 1 win for Mom.
There is nothing we can do, but to press on daily and take on the issue of the day. It's the most difficult period in life for both the parents and the child, at least for us. Of course, the parent does not want to burden their child. It's just as difficult for them. We must muster up all the patience in the world and get through the milestone. No matter what age, we are all in this together. Thanks, for listening to me vent.
